College. The greatest six years of a young person’s life. I finished in four- chalk it up to high standards.

College for me, however, was hardly four years of Pulitzer-worthy lab reports and acclaimed creative writing. In fact, in my sophomore year, I failed Geography. (more…)

1. It’s important to always be yourself, except on Halloween.

2. Do not focus on journey’s end. Focus on the hits they made when they were together.

3. When you’re feeling nauseas, eat jellybeans. Makes vomiting beautiful.

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I’m calling for the Bloggers Guild of America to strike immediately. It’s time we as bloggers unite as a people and demand compensation for the posting of our daily reflections. Three, sometimes four times a week we blog to a vast audience consisting of ourselves, parents and bored friends at work all over the world (wide web). Literally tens of hundreds of people skim over our half-thoughts every year and we’re not given a dime! I’m tired of being on my computer every other day, slaving over personal musings for a measly 2 comments per month (thanks Randy). Comments aren’t worth shit! Can you pay your gas bill with comments? Ever buy a lap dance by remarking to the stripper, “You’re writing really brightens my day (-:”??   NO!

Bloggers should not only insist upon base compensation, but residuals for content reuse as well. How often has someone repeated something from your blog to a co-worker for a good laugh? At least once! The blogger should be reimbursed for that laugh. Even if it was a nervous laugh because the co-worker had just stolen a case of binder clips from the supplies closet. A laugh’s a laugh. Bloggers are being cut out of a very lucrative equation. And what about DVD royalties???

I am personally striking the moment I finish this hilarious entry. I’m sick of being taken for granted. My friend Albertina doesn’t feel the same. She thinks blogging is just a way to familiarize the public with your work and become more disciplined as a writer. I think she’s naive. I’m an entertainer, like Dane Cook or Paula Abdul. I do the same things they do, but they drive Porsches and I get carpal tunnel syndrome? No more! It’s time for change. The blog stops here.

I’m OUT!!

click bottle for magic

But not as much as THIS GUY