I get annoyed when friends call me from rock concerts and hold their cell phones up to the band so I can listen to what I’m missing.

Because I’ve always wanted to hear the Verizon Wireless version of ‘Sussudio’ – embellished with static and call-waiting beeps. And what song’s complete without you singing along drunk to the chorus? AAAAND who needs a song to fade out when your crappy phone will just drop the call.

Seriously though, next time you decide to rock me out through your mobile, save your minutes. You’re only torturing my eardrums and reminding me that I’m too broke to be there myself. And I’m trying to watch So You Think You Can Dance right now so tell Phil I’ll call him back.