Some of my favorite phobias:

(these are all real)
Cathisophobia- Fear of Sitting. “Window or Aisle?” “AAAHHHHH NEITHER!!!”
Lutraphobia- Fear of Otters. “1 bdrm avl. Aug 1. Non-smoking, single, male. Must hate otters.”
Ithyphanllophobia-Fear of Seeing, Thinking about, or Having an Erect Penis. “Lap Dance?” “Not unless you want me to shit my pants.”
Consecotaleophobia- Fear of Chopsticks. “I’ll have the hot & sour soup and…a fortune cookie.”
Metrophobia- Fear of Poetry. “Roses are red, violets…” “You say another word, I yell rape.”

Here are some more hilariously sad conditions…
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of Painful Bowel Movements
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of Peanut Butter Sticking to the Roof of your Mouth
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the Great Mole Rat
Dextrophobia- Fear of Objects at the Right Side of the Body
Aulophobia- Fear of Flutes

And of course Panophobia- Fear of EVERYTHING. Guilty!

Here’s to a healthy state of mind.